So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
My ATM looks so different sober.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Randomize
