Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
