What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize