This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Randomize
