So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
