He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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