Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
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