Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
In other news, I just burned my penis
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
