ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
