moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
