just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
