Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
