The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
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