I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
