i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Randomize
