Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Randomize
