Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
