what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
