we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
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