I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
