and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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