also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize