i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
He passed out mid-signature
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Randomize
