he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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