1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
