You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
