I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
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