Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
