now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
