we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
