remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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