We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
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