Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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