i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I just had sex on a roof
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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