i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
