he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
My ATM looks so different sober.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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