dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
