Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Randomize
