Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Randomize
