the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
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