matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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