Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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