Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
