If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize