Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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