I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
