just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
