I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
