yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
