i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Randomize
