I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
