When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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