problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I met the friendliest cop last night
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Randomize
