i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
