Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
3pm strippers are depressing
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
