I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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