Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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