Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
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