Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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