if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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