just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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