I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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