Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Randomize
