im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
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