I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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