You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
