we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Randomize
