Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
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