He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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