How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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