I can't watch pbs sober anymore
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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