It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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