my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
