She's JV to your varsity
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize