UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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