he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
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