Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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