Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
