I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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