i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
