gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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