One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
