just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize