Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
