I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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