I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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