she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
