So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
