when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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