I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
