Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
