i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
