i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Randomize
