Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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