we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
