we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
