I wish I only lived at night.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
