I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
