She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I could fuck to npr.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
