She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
