I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
