yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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