I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
my phone needs a breathalizer
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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