peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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