so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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