No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
