she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
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