So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize