Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
So apparently I’m into choking now
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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