I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
