Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Randomize