why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
They should really pass out barf bags in church
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
