I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Randomize
