It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
