yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Randomize
