Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
