That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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