She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
