don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
