i'm signing you up for texting rehab
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Im part way to drunk.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
