Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Boobs are out for the taking
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize
